Reporter: Hello Ed & welcome to hell. I’d like to interview you for “Hell
Magazine”. Could you spare me a moment of your time?
Ed: Sure, after all, if I don’t tell the tale, how will people know what really happened? And who will the little kids look up to?
Reporter: (With a slight disrespectful tone of voice) Yeah, right. Any way, in his book “Insomnia”, Stephen King describes you as a suicidal maniac with no inhibitions. Do you agree with Mr. King’s opinions?
Ed: Now that you’ve mentioned it, I don’t agree with that sleazy low life “author wannabe” at all.
Reporter: Interesting, how come?
Ed: Well, 1st of all, I’m not suicidal at all. It was my complete and pure madness that drove me to crashing a plane loaded with explosives into a building.
Reporter: (Writing in his note-pad) “complete and pure madness”. Yes, Ed, go on.
Ed: 2nd, I do have inhibitions. You know I wasn’t always totally insane. I used to be a loving spouse & father and a devoted worker. It’s just that since the demons have started to whisper into my ears at night, I’m a little crazy.
Reporter: Yes, I see. Well, what do you think of Ralph? Do you believe that Stephen King describes him in a more accurate way?
Ed: Oh yes, Mr. King (cynical voice) does, in fact, have a tendency to make saints out of his heroes and evil beings out of his villains. No wonder Ralph is portrayed as such a nice guy while I’m portrayed as a real creep.
Reporter: Well, what do you think of Ralph? after all, you were his neighbor and friend for a few years.
Ed: Some things are better left unsaid. My feelings for Ralph are one of those things. However, Ralph knows exactly how I feel about him, that no good traitor, back stabber, thief #$%^. Now excuse me, I have an appointment in Satan’s office. I’m nominated as “Best Villain Of The Year” in the MTV Movie Awards.
Reporter: I understand. Good bye and good luck at the awards.
Ed: Good bye, thank you.
Reporter: Thank you for your time.
Ed: It was my pleasure.